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il chevalier mal fet

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

[ << Previous 25 ]

 

 
  2009.06.22  09.32
keeping this alive

posting to keep this alive, since i want it as a record.

 
 


 
  2007.11.03  03.34
the end of america



 
 


 
  2007.09.24  20.41
blogger.

moving to blogspot.

still keeping this, it's just time for a change. and i will still be reading this on a regular basis...after all, two years of my life are stored here.


it's just like shaving my head.

http://iseestarsinyou.blogspot.com


check it out.

 
 


 
  2007.09.23  01.54


i'm in a very good place right now.

 
 


 
  2007.09.22  03.35


a little sad today. or tonight. first time in awhile really. guess it's cause i'm lonely. not lonely for people. lonely for one person.


ah well. i'm allowed to be emo, now and then, right?

 
 


 
  2007.09.20  11.53


in addition to this developing sleeping disorder, the following just occured.

at approximately 11:45 am eastern standard time, i reached for a hot pot atop my microwave. the following occurred:


ribbit rs 11: i just exhibited
ribbit rs 11: the most SPECTACULAR loss of balance
ribbit rs 11: ever
norbjunior: HAHAHAHAHHA
norbjunior: *picturing*
ribbit rs 11: ...by a soberperson
ribbit rs 11: i tried to move my hot pot
ribbit rs 11: so i could plug it in
ribbit rs 11: but im sitting in a computer chair
ribbit rs 11: and as i reached for it, i slid back
ribbit rs 11: and so my body fell into my desk, while the chair kicked my legs out from under me
norbjunior: OOH!
ribbit rs 11: and the hot pot, already in my hand, and partially full went straight up and down
norbjunior: oooh!
ribbit rs 11: and the water in it went straight up and made a beautiful splash on my microwave
ribbit rs 11: then
ribbit rs 11: when i went to get a towel to wipe it all up
norbjunior: AAAAHHH!!
ribbit rs 11: i tripped
ribbit rs 11: over my own two feet
norbjunior: oof.
norbjunior: wooow, rob
ribbit rs 11: and stumbled until i fell back into said computer chair
norbjunior: you're.....
ribbit rs 11: ...special?
norbjunior: an accident.



today, i am an accident.

 
 


 
  2007.09.20  11.28


so i think i'm developing sleeping problems. i was so good this summer and at the beginning of the year about waking up, but now, even when i go to bed at a reasonable hour, 1230, 1 o clock, i cannot wake up come morning. it's not even like i wake up and go back to sleep, because i know what that feels like. i dont wake up, sleep like a stone until such time as a DO actually wake up.

which is invariably halfway through one of my classes.

 
 


 
  2007.09.16  11.59


carousel = great. i think it's going to be an awesome show.

quints = definitely getting there. i need to not be scared, and just do it.

much ado = ok...we'll see. i'm a little trepidatious to be completely honest, but i do trust zachary moore. i'm just worried about how we're going to tear apart the text, but we'll see. i'm still developing my opinions about what to do with shakespeare.

classes = not bad, especially survey and junior sem. my english classes are actually more frustrating, but that's partially my fault i guess. gotta give it time for a close reading, and not worry about the class as a whole, just what i get out of it. my bio class is meh, lighting is actually quite fun, and i just don't even know what else i'm taking. that might be it? no, drama therapy, which i'm enjoying despite it being on a tuesday as the last two and a half hours of seven hours straight.

reslife = working out very well. i like my residents, and i think i'm doing a decent job. we'll see...but it's working so far.

lovelife = meh.

friends = wonderful. i really love some of the people here. i'm REALLY sad i'm not living with the boys in 2-5 this year, but so be it. jason and colleen in particular have been wonderful, and katie greene just always makes me feel warm all over. tara, amanda eventoff, kestrel, joe colavito, vinny, e-dor, etc...the whole gang, just good times. lexx and sabrina are around all the time which is nice, so is sarah prov. both emilys are decent, but they'll always be some of my most complicated relationships. go figure, that's love. hannah is of course brilliant. allison lemel and i are getting some serious bondage going on, which makes me happy.

general outlook = life is good.

 
 


 
  2007.09.04  02.40


so insomnia, fuck you. i want to sleep.


first week of school passed pretty uneventfully. had some decent auditions, had some bad ones. survived most of my classes. am surviving being an ra, though some drastic changes are going to have to be made in just how much they think i'm on duty. i'm paranoid about this whole 24/7 thing.

tuesdays suck. and i'm not getting enough sleep to face it. i have class from 9:20 - 10:30, then 12:10 straight through til 6:50.

kill me.


but life is pretty good actually. i wish i knew what to do about some things, but i like myself as an ra. that change seems like it's gone deep. i've started tapping back into some of the deeper reserves that i'd forgotten. i feel stronger in almost all aspects of my life, for some bizarre reason. it could be illusion.



maybe i'll try to sleep.

 
 


 
  2007.08.30  15.36


i'm going to be very busy

 
 


 
  2007.08.26  19.43


so wierd crazy couple of days...just figuring it all out.


will post.

 
 


 
  2007.08.25  12.08


limited internet for about a week...i have to access it from the library since the president's cottage isn't wired yet.

i'm still reachable by phone!


[edit] i now have internet!! woot!

 
 


 
  2007.08.22  21.02
perspective

this is an article found on cnn.com regarding a recent event in iraq. it's not for the faint of heart. just be glad i didn't post pictures.

i think i just want to know why.




BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Five-year-old Youssif is scarred for life, his once beautiful smile turned into a grotesquely disfigured face -- the face of a horrifying act by masked men. They grabbed him on a January day outside his central Baghdad home, doused him with gas and set him ablaze.

It's an act incomprehensibly savage, even by Iraq's standards today. No one has been arrested and the motive remains unknown.

In a war-ravaged city torn by sectarian violence and marked by acts of vengeance, this attack's apparent randomness stands out as an example of what life has become in a place where brutality -- even against young children -- is a constant.

"They dumped gasoline, burned me, and ran," Youssif told CNN, pointing down the street with his scarred hands where his attackers fled. Photo See photographs of Youssif before and after the attack »

As he sucked his thumb, he repeated, "I was burning." He tried to put the flames out himself.

It looks as though this boy's face melted and then froze into rivers cutting through swollen hard flesh. It's hard to see the energetic outgoing child his parents describe beneath the sullen demeanor that defines Youssif today.

"He's become spiteful, I am not sure why," said his mother, Zainab. "He is jealous of everyone. If I say the slightest thing to him, he cries. He's sensitive." Video Watch the mother describe how she cries at night wracked with guilt »

Even things like eating have become a chore. His face contorts when he tries to shovel rice into his mouth, carefully angling the spoon and then using his fingers to push the little grains through lips he can no longer fully open.
Helping Youssif
No aid organizations have taken up Youssif's cause at this point. CNN and CNN.com will keep you updated if this changes.

He has also become jealous of the baby sister he used to dote on. "I sit sometimes at night and cry," Zainab said, her voice heavy with guilt. "If only I hadn't let him go outside, if only I hadn't let him play."

It was on January 15 that masked men attacked her boy, their identities still unknown. Zainab said she was upstairs at the time.

"I heard screaming. I thought someone was fighting or something," she said.

She ran downstairs, saw her son and fainted. When she came to, she barely recognized her child. "His head was so swollen, you couldn't see his eyes, and his nose was pushed in."

"There was blood," she added, shuddering slightly. "The skin was melted off."

He spent two months in the hospital recovering from the severe burns. These days Youssif spends most of his time indoors, in front of the computer. It's only then that traces of the 5-year-old in him emerge. "He can't play outside with the other kids," Zainab said. "The other day they were playing, and he came in crying. I asked him, 'What's wrong?' and he said, 'They won't play with me because I am burned.'"

She said he once wanted to be a doctor and he loved kindergarten. "He used to be the one who would wake me up every morning, saying let's go to school," Zainab recalled.

She coaxed him to tell me the few words he knows in English. "Girl, boy, window, fan," he said, his voice barely audible, the words barely intelligible.

Doctors told the family there is little more they can do to help Youssif. The family can't afford care outside Iraq.

So Zainab has taken a massive risk by telling her story to the world. Her husband works as a security guard, and it's too dangerous for him to talk to the media.

"I'd prefer death than seeing my son like this," Zainab said.

All she wants is for someone to help her little boy smile again.

 
 


 
  2007.08.18  09.01
ridiculous

tony snow, white house press secretary may be leaving his post as early as next month. now, not for me to judge, but cnn reports are indicating that this may be due to financial reasons. after his fox news job, snow took a pay cut to make his annual salary $168,000 a year. now, forgive me again, but to me, a salary well over one hundred thousand a year seems perfectly aedequate to get all the things you need to raise a family, no? especially as the discussion seems to be revolving around the fact that he has several near college-age children. $168,000 definitely wouldn't be enough to pay for college...

right. i wish i had half that money in my parents wallets. i don't know how much they make, but it's nowhere near that sum. and granted, their jobs are much lower profile and lower stakes, if not lower pressure. what they do doesn't have an immediate effect outside danbury connecticut. but it's just another indication of how spoiled this country is, that someone could legitimately need more than that salary to raise a family successfully. combined with the fact that americans, once the tallest people in the industrialized world are now not only the shortest, but the fattest as well, we're very much starting to fit the description of 'pigs'.

i'm not saying anything anti-american here. what i am saying is that we've lost ourselves, and it's time to refocus our values if we want to remain viable as a nation, and as a super power in the world, which, despite some of my better inclinations, i do still honestly feel we should. imagine a world in which china has the most clout and strongest might of arms. it'd be a very different place. confucian philosophy just doesn't sit well with me on a universal scale...because man is a very poor judge of exactly what goes on top.



hmm...ok, rant, that's enough. off to breakfast!

 
 


 
  2007.08.15  23.38
as you wish

so...summer.

i really can't say anything except that it was great. i enjoyed my main job, and most of the time at my secondary job was relatively painless. i did a lot of art. i hung out with a lot of friends and spent a lot (though not really enough) time with them. i made some new friends, i got closer with some old ones. the biggest thing to happen to me this summer didn't happen until the end of the summer...and...well...we'll see. inshallah.

i mean it though, i'll go to boston once a month.

i don't really know, i'm going on this road, and i don't know why. i can't seem to find a place to get off, and i've never really been one for turning around if i can at all avoid it...so we'll see where it leads, eh?

 
 


 
  2007.08.15  16.14


i'm back

 
 


 
  2007.08.12  12.41



You are The Star


Hope, expectation, Bright promises.


The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised


The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.



 
 


 
  2007.08.12  02.17


ahh, bad timing, nice to see you again.

*insert wry grin here*


inshallah

 
 


 
  2007.08.10  03.14


red wine and whiskey
down to the home she won't come back to
the hurricane that blocks the path

while the ashtrays gambol in the streets and i cannot keep them from meeting while i'm seated, but my legs burn-riddled cannot find a reason or means to rise and stop the carnage of so many young lungs and lives interconnected in ways that they or i can never ever ever ever see

and so i
sitting in my self and by myself
wander and wonder
for something to find me
and bring me to the way home

 
 


 
  2007.08.07  08.41


so going to clista's house for the second time this week to do some moving...amazing.

i miss shakespeare camp.  but i'm glad i have this week to say goodbye to summer.  course, i wish it were more than a week, but what the hell...i'm sure making the most of it.  and i do have a good feeling about this coming year.  i just hope it plays out that way.

 
 


 
  2007.08.06  12.07


Auto response from ribbit rs 11: tell me a story, i say to you. tell me a story you have never told anyone. make it up for me.

KK JR 54: okay, i will make up a story for you
KK JR 54: there was once this girl who had crazy hair and she loved this boy who had sick stage combat skills. she used to see this boy everyday when they used to be jewish radicals. but now she doesnt get to see him as much because he is busy passing on his sick stage combat skills to stage novices during the day and making dilectable treats magically appear out of a cold stone at night...
KK JR 54: the girl was so overcome with grief at the fact that she could not see this boy that she contemplated throwing herself off of thine roof. but then the boy told her that he would see her tonight at a party hosted by their mutual friend in honor of their other friend who just came of age to drink all of the mead he desired (legally). then the girl and the boy were so happy that they could see eachother again that they rode off into the sunset and drank untill their livers were content. the end.
KK JR 54: *authors note*

I love you

 
 


 
  2007.08.03  22.20


just so everyone knows:

my hair is now golden blonde. including eyebrows

that is all.

 
 


 
  2007.07.29  16.53


i feel like something very bad broke somewhere last night. granted, last night i was pretty crazy, but then again, there was a point somewhere in the middle before i was too crazy to continue functioning, where i was the happiest i've been in years. just completely content with my place in the world, with my friends, and with everything that's going on. i mean, i know it doesn't really change anything, but maybe it can change everything.

 
 


 
  2007.07.25  01.13


rolling down
the image spreads before me spread eagled
angled like so many broken necks
sparse
when i breathe it is with our
your lungs invisible indivisible unknown
and smoky
ashes that burn through the pockets of my jeans
and leave my money spotted and brown so when i go to buy
dime candies i'm left dejected
because i've put on weight and that's ok
but it's about another and then
again maybe it's still all about me
like it never was but i always wanted it to be
or maybe like it always was and i never wanted
this childish dream that
can't come true
because i'm no longer a child and thus
have no right to dream as i do


[perhaps this is just the foreshadowing of things to come
without which i cannot known the ineffability of my present case]

 
 


 
  2007.07.24  01.54


reaching forward and out for something that cannot be known or touched and will never cease to dance away leaving the struggle fruitless excepting of course the quality of the chase itself (doubtless something not to be denied) while the failure to achieve in itself actually becomes the success of the successor to the worlds not seen not reached not touched by human hand but only felt by human heart as a whisper on the wind that echoes with the voices that ring in a thousand hundred skulls and silently take the world by storm

 
 


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